Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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