I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
