He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
