Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
