Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
