He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
