If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
