3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
