Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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