Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
