You really coming over, don't trick.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
