I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
