sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
