Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
