If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
