and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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