I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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