Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize