I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
