Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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