Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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