i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
