all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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