I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
