i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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