You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
