Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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