im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize