mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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