Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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