I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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