franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
