Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize