home. puking in laundry basket.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
