if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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