I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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