She is in my trunk
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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