It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
