I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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