ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
