Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
