Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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