chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
