i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
