so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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