I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
