He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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