Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
