my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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