Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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