Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
