After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
