i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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