I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
