Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Still dying that you shit outside
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
