i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
