What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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