Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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