i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
