Your face is a jimmy john
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
