Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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