is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize