Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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