Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
