My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
