Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
