He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
