got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
